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Audio Exchange Project

Public Group active 1 year, 8 months ago ago

Take one part audio works in progress. Mix with feedback and support. Upload to PRX. The Audio Exchange Project is your recipe for creating delicious radio for broadcast, one blog post at a time.

Curie Youth Radio Looks For Your Feedback Part II (4 posts)

  • Profile picture of sarah levine sarah levine said 6 years, 4 months ago:

    Hello Audio Exchange.

    The attached pieces are “audio gifts”: memories of a small moment that the Curie producers are trying to recreate and then give to someone significant in their lives. Eventually, we want to try to broadcast these pieces as well.

    We have not yet added soundbeds for most of these pieces. We’re looking for ways to use and manipulate natural sound to put under these stories. We’d love your feedback and suggestions.

    In this attachment:
    1. Davis remembers his baby brother
    2. Chris remembers his father’s fall
    3. Sylhery remembers the only time she met her grandfather

  • Profile picture of Jones Franzel Jones Franzel said 6 years, 4 months ago:

    First – to all Curie students: I love the concept of this exercise, and you’ve completed it in ways that are each deeply compelling and show us how a memory can also be part of a connection and relationship. Thank you for sharing these!

    Davis Garcia:

    Your writing is filled with beautiful details that help create the scene – the yellow towel, the warmth of your brother’s body, the wound like a chocolate bar – these images are evocative and put us there. Fine, fine work. The piece has great bones!

    To make those bones come alive, it’d be great to have clearer narration at some points, and a music/sound bed that helps set the tone. The intro music sets a neutral tone (the violins seem like too much), but I wonder if you want to try something more upbeat, even frenzied (with drums, since that’s what your brother’s feet sound like) and then bring this music under your narration until you get to “everything stopped-” a great place to stop the music, and show us the gravity of what happened.

    A few words are swallowed – I couldn’t hear what the wound created, and the “congo.” Who do you imagine you’re speaking to when you tell this story? Is it to your brother? Picturing that might bring some warmth and fluidity into your telling.

    With all your beautiful writing, I was surprised by the baby laughter at the end – the piece has so much gravity. What’s the tone you want to leave us with? What’s the sound of feeling like a parent? Great work!!

    Chris Flynn

    Chris, I love how you read this piece in a way that truly sounds like you’re talking to your father – there’s conviction in your voice, nice use of your sister’s “Dad?” and great pacing (LOVE the pause after “that’s when you fell.”) All of this adds emotion to the story and makes it clear to the listener that the work really is a gift. Not an easy thing to do!

    I stumbled a bit on the content of the narration – Why was it the sound of metal on wood? And why was it ever familiar? Because we don’t see your dad fall (neither did you, presumably, in the kitchen), but hear it, it’d be nice to fill in these details. Also, the sound effect that follows sounds a bit (to me) like a band saw. True – that’s metal on wood, but not dragged… Does that make sense? Also, I couldn’t catch if he “fell” or “felt” he was drained of his life – but (and this is a SUPER small point), being “drained” implies a slowness that a sudden fall doesn’t have.

    Nice description of your actions at the end – the sitting your brother down and rocking your sister are nice details – the music bed feels a little bit sudden, and maybe stronger in tone than you’re going for, though it does make the acts feel heroic. Can’t wait to hear the final version!

  • Profile picture of Jones Franzel Jones Franzel said 6 years, 4 months ago:

    Sylhery Padilla

    Sylhery, there’s a such lovely weaving together here of the past and present, the imagined and the visual. You describe this moment with your grandfather, but it’s combined with the complexity of having anticipated it for so long, and all the memories that you heard about, rather than lived through. All of this – combined with the music, more on that later – gives the piece a really beautiful, dream-like quality. And some of the narrative details – “rusty, rain-like” words, the quote from your grandfather – really help build the sense of how much is layered inside this one moment. Beautiful.

    The writing was so mesmerizing that I found myself REALLY wanting you to slow down your reading (let us linger with it!) and more carefully make separations between dialogue (“wow, I’m really here etc.”) and narration. Also, seeing your grandfather on the bed vs. hearing about his tienda, appetite etc. – is it that the stories didn’t make sense, or that they don’t feel connected to him?

    On sound – the use of choir music is interesting, but it’s strangely layered with others sounds, which makes it confusing. At the beginning, the choir music makes it feel as though you are entering a holy place, but the sudden insertion of the tienda sounds and then the return to the choir music feels a little disjointed. I also wondered, at the end, when you say “I just want to let you know…” if you accidentally cut out what you wanted your grandfather to know, or if the music is supposed to be communicating what you want him to know. I kept waiting for a closing. What a wonderful draft! Terrific work.

  • Profile picture of Genevieve Genevieve said 6 years, 4 months ago:

    These are great! I really enjoyed listening to all of them. (I kind of want to do my own now, too.)

    Davis: I agree with Jones; really great imagery! The piece is very well-written, and I like how it involves many different characters. As Jones said, a bit clearer narration in some points will help the listener to really absorb it all. I liked the baby laughing at the end, because it told me there was a happy ending to the story. But, the baby laugh sounded a bit young for the age I imagine your brother was when this happened, since I think he was standing up and walking when he fell. I imagined the laugh was supposed to be your brother, so that’s the only reason it confused me. If not, however, keep it in. It depends on what you want to leave people with at the end.

    Chris: Looks like I disagree with Jones, but I think the pacing at the beginning could be quicker. The space between “that’s when you fell” and “at first I thought you tripped” seems too long to me. Don’t make it as fast as later on, because the space does add suspense. Just slightly less space between those two I think would help keep the listener’s attention. The music came in at a point when I just wanted to hear you describe the scene, so I found it distracting. I’m not sure if you even need music at all. The story is good enough without music and you’re a great narrator.

    Sylhery: You have great personality in your voice as you tell your story, and the way you describe the room and the surroundings really helped me imagine the scene. Like Jones said, I wondered what happened at the end and if your last sentence was cut off. The sound also peaks in a couple places, which made me have to adjust my volume. If you even it out a bit, that well help too.