OutLoud's finally out...with a piece.

Generation PRX

Posted by thaoto329 on June 3, 2008 at 11:11pm in Audio Exchange Project

Back to Audio Exchange Project Discussions

Hey this is an OutLoud intern posting up an untitled piece about JROTC. It's still very in the rough, but the basic narration is in there. Please comment on how it sounds as a whole and if my narration needs to explain more things or if it sounds too cold for the whole piece.

Also, does anyone have any suggestions for songs that sound either: military-ish, motivating, calming, empowering, or a song/sound that's good for endings?

Attachments:

RO story.mp3, 2.1 MB

▶ Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Chris Flynn on June 9, 2008 at 11:59am: Gonna cover the technical edits before the story itself.

At the beginning there are a few iffy fades. Also, the ambient sound kinda jumps between voxs because bad fades. A few voices are cut because of the fades.

Now about the audio.

When you bring up the outrage because of the students, maybe you should have a bunch of voxs with students stating their outrage, instead of one.

When you have the part about Daniel, I think his name was, there was a very bad fade were his voice just dropped and rose suddenly. Also, towards the end, with Daniel talking about it being mind boggling, it cuts him off very suddenly.

I think the subject is nice, but I'm not sure how the whole audio is pieced together. I think with a few revisions to the lay out, this could be a very strong piece.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Jones Franzel on June 9, 2008 at 12:30pm: Hi Thaoto329!

Thanks so much for posting this - you're taking on a huge, interesting topic and you've collected some really good tape that's well framed. It feels like there's terrific potential (you may have 3 good stories here! But more on this later... :), and the way you've posed the piece shows that you're already on to some of the places (narration, music) etc. that could use a bit of attention.

Here's what caught my ears:
- The focus: I was interested throughout the piece, but I was a little unclear on what the focus was: vox pop on the RO? exploration of how students feel? flashpoint for the "don't ask don't tell" policy? I think it'd be helpful to identify what feels like that most important issue to you, then cut mercilessly (which is HARD!) to get there. Which leads me to...
- The set up and hook. If you decide the piece is about some of the more controversial elements, is there a way to hook us with what the tension hinges on? For example, ROTC: a great opportunity for students or a secret way for the government to advance an anti-gay policy?
- Perspective: I loved how supportive you are of students who really see the benefits of the program. Great tape! But you say that "students love this program," and we have an inkling that not ALL students do... can you find people with an alternative perspective?
- Narration: Yep, it'd be great to hear a bit more animation (though I don't think you're cold!) and to actually use language to add some flair as well. You do a great job of neutrally presenting tape, "she/he said etc," "this person has a different point of view," but at pointsmore descriptive words that either summarize or set up could serve you well.

I can't WAIT to hear the final version of this! Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions - and thank you!!

Jones; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Noah Miller on June 10, 2008 at 1:59am: Thao will be posting a new version very soon -- thanks for the comments!; ▶ Reply to This