Curie Youth Radio Looks For Your Feedback Part I

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Permalink Reply by Kiera Feldman on January 15, 2008 at 4:57pm

First of all, wow, what a neat idea--"audio gifts." I will totally make my own.

1) Natalie's piece: Great pacing and perfect, short radio sentences. Also, you set up your 1-on-1 time with your mom in a way that's intimate yet easy for a listener to relate to that desire for attention. I think you could use your sound bed to show the contrast between jostling for attention and having just mother-daughter time. Maybe you could get some friends together and try to dramatize the sounds of arguing over who gets shotgun and what kind of pizza, and then have your line that goes like, "I didn't have to share you with anyone else" and then abruptly cut to a quieter, less frenetic sound bed for when you talk about mother-daughter time. But then again, dramatizing is definitely not the only way to go, so I'll be curious what other people have to say.

Your line "I don't know what exactly happened" is so sad and great. That's the beginning of a new section about the way things are now. I think you can use sound to transition into the present. Fade out whatever you have for the chuck e cheese section, and then fade into something new. Maybe you can rewrite the ending slightly to set it in a specific place and then think about the sounds of that place. You say, "Now we never hang out"--that's a line where you could add something like, "We just pass each other in the kitchen grabbing breakfast" (or wherever it is).

Permalink Reply by Tennessee Watson on January 16, 2008 at 5:00pm

This is actually Che, and i am a member of ynn, i thought the peices were pretty good, especially the peice by chris cuello because it was the most realistic and relatble for me

Permalink Reply by Cameron DuBois on January 16, 2008 at 5:07pm

This is Cameron, I am a member of YNN. I really liked the idea that these pieces were audio gifts. I liked Natalie's a lot because I thought it was really well told, and moving. I thought the way she told the story was really interesting and something that many people could relate too. I thought that Jamie's was good but I thought the overall tone was a little bit too dramatic. All in all, I thought these stories were good and really creative and interesting.

Permalink Reply by Keenen Dula on January 16, 2008 at 5:08pm

I thought all of them were great but i'm going to turn my attention to Chris's gift. Your piece left me speech less. I understood your feelings toward your dad because my dad left my mom also. the thing that hit me the most was the way you put your actions in" I put my head down" wonderful. i love your piece and i feel your unhappyness


much love,
Keenen D

Permalink Reply by Ablessin on January 16, 2008 at 5:09pm

I thought that all of them were good and very creative. I loved the way there were so much emotion in everything that was said in all the pieces. Not to show favortism(misspelled) and what not, but I really liked Natalie's. I connected with hers the most. It was like she was talking to the audience but she was talking to her mother. And I like that. I liked Jamie's b/c I know I spend alot of time in church so I know how it feels to hid in church and just have fun. Church is supposed to be like that. Its supposed to be fun along with building your relationship God. And I loved Chris' because it was so personal. You made the audience feel the pain that you felt. And I must say that I did. YALL ARE DOPE!!! SO KEEP IT MOVIN!!!

Permalink Reply by KJ on January 16, 2008 at 5:09pm

I thought that all three of the pieces had a lot of sentiment in them, and they all gave beautiful verbal descriptions to set a scene. I especially loved the amount of detail in Jamie's piece. The only thing that was a little off to me was the lack of ambience/background sounds in the first two... but then again, they didn't need too much. I guess I sort of wanted to hear more sounds from the scene (like the door closing in Chris's piece).

Permalink Reply by Tennessee Watson on January 16, 2008 at 5:10pm

This is Anya from YNN!
This is a wonderful idea. I think that the short length of the pieces and the fact that there was little to no editing done really draws the listener in.
Each of these relates to the sense of power that a single moment can possess. I like that.

Permalink Reply by Blunt Radio's Incarcerated Youth Speak Out Project on January 17, 2008 at 12:09pm

Because students at Long Creek don't have much access to blogs, they've shared their feedback on the pieces and we, Blunt's coordinators, want to pass them on. All the students at Long Creek were super impressed with everything they heard; they tried to break down their feedback into strengths they heard, and suggestions they'd make:

Chris' Piece:
Ryan: The descriptions were great - I really liked the writing, especially the descriptions of suitcases.
Alan: I also thought the writing was really great, but the narration sometimes sounded robotic and mumbling
Pat: Narration would be stronger if you could relax while you're reading. Try to take some time beforehand to just be yourself.
Chris: Writing was great - good explanation of how stuff looked, I really liked the music. Try to make the words clearer.
Sue: I felt the real emotion come through at the end, I think the whole piece could sound more like this.

Permalink Reply by Blunt Radio's Incarcerated Youth Speak Out Project on January 17, 2008 at 12:14pm

Jamie's Piece:
Pat: I really liked the tone of this piece, but wanted to hear some kind of music -
chris: specific and good word choice - but could have had more feeling. Vary the length of the phrases to break things up. Great word choice, like when you used "slithered"
alan: Great job reading - really non robotic - good descriptions
ryan: good tone, good descriptions
justin: Really good detail - I wanted to hear more music, like choir music, or an organ
sue: It was a bit disorienting at the beginning - I didn't really know what was going on

Permalink Reply by Blunt Radio's Incarcerated Youth Speak Out Project on January 17, 2008 at 12:19pm

Natalie's Piece:
Ryan: This piece brings you right in. Great opening, good emotion
Chris: There's a lot of emotion in her voice, it sounds like [Natalie's] about to cry - it needs sad music
Justin: The piece moves, so the music should change: first happy, then sad music. It sounded like she was actually talking to her mom, good emotion. It was personal - which I liked.
Alan: Good emotional details - nice detail in the things that she talked about. GREAT sound effects. Pauses between sentences were too long.
Pat: I liked the sound effects, but they should have a more gradual transition into and out of them. Try recording at Chuck E Cheese